Want a favour? Don't assume the answer will always be 'yes'

Many people think they should merely check on someone with daily greetings—saying hi or asking how they are—so that they can then spring a surprise request on someone a few days later.

Decades-old research by Daniel Howard, a US academic and researcher, shows that this technique can increase the likelihood of compliance, making it more likely that your request will be granted.

However, if someone feels that you are being disingenuous and only greeting them as a build-up to asking for something, it undermines the sincerity effect. Earlier researchers believed that friendships had a shelf life and, if not maintained, would wither away.

But Daniel Levin, Jorge Walter and Keith Murnighan found that rekindling old friendships can yield surprisingly beneficial results. In the internet age, keeping track of friends and professional acquaintances and staying up to date with them is easier than ever and requires minimal effort. However, the interaction must feel genuine to the other party.

But how should you phrase the actual pitch for assistance? Recent research by Andrew Chalfoun, Giovanni Rossi and Tanya Stivers gets to the heart of the best way to ask for help or support. You can ask a favour using either an optimistic or a pessimistic approach.

For example, you could ask a friend: "May I please borrow your car for an event on Sunday?" This is a direct request that assumes—optimistically, though perhaps unrealistically—that the car will be lent to you.

Alternatively, you could first ask: "Do you need your car on Sunday?" This is the pessimistic approach because it hedges against the possibility of rejection. Which one, as a faithful Business Daily reader, do you think is more effective? According to the research, the pessimistic approach is more successful in securing agreement.

Interestingly, which approach do people use most often—the bold one or the cautious one? You can choose an optimistic approach, a pessimistic approach, and then decide whether to use a pre-request.

Yet the research shows that a staggering 88 percent of people across cultures and languages use the optimistic approach, assuming their request will be granted without first making a pre-request. Ironically, this approach has the lowest chance of success.

You are far more likely to receive a favourable response if you use a pre-request and adopt a pessimistic approach, acknowledging that the other person may decline and framing your request accordingly.

Researcher Susan Whitbourne, author of The Search for Fulfillment, notes that you can improve the chances of a favour being granted—and strengthen relationships—by giving the other person an easy way to decline. Structure your request in a way that recognises they may not be able to help.

For example: "I know you will probably be busy, and this is a big ask, but could I please use your car for an event on Sunday?"

Finally, confront the unconscious biases that shape how you ask others for assistance.

These biases influence your assumptions about the likely success of your requests. Frame your requests in ways that preserve the relationship, regardless of the outcome, rather than making the favour a make-or-break test of it.

Have a management or leadership issue, question, or challenge? Reach out to Dr. Scott through @ScottProfessor on Twitter or on email [email protected] .