These are the women who are important to Joseph Choge. His 13-year-old daughter, who is “growing too tall.” His wife, Brendah-with-a-h, whom he met on campus and beams at uxoriously throughout the conversation.
Choge has been on a sabbatical since his last posting as Unga Group MD—now he is the board chairman of the Institute of Customer Experience (ICX) and Canopy Life International, affording him hordes of prime-time to indulge with another newfound love of his life: golf.
“I recently got a hole-in-one,” he says, “and I don’t know why it took me this long to start playing. I just never had the time.” Time is fragile, irreplaceable, and not for sale at any price. Choge knows this because he can see the seconds suffocating the minutes on his military father’s head, and no matter how much he has, he’ll never have enough time with him.
“It’s the simple things that matter now,” he says. Winning at home. The wind in your hair on a 400cc motorbike. A chat with your father. Simple things.
How are you defining ambition now?
Winning at home, with the children. They grow so fast. I was just telling my 13-year-old daughter how she is growing taller and taller. I need to sell more property, and she is advising me, asking me how much I made, telling me my ROIs are not making sense.
Ambition for me is now about impact, whatever I want to go into, how can I achieve impact? One of the most fulfilling board positions I have is on Canopy Life, a school that takes children from needy backgrounds, to instill godly values, discipline, and an all-round education.
You’ve mentioned ambition at home. What’s a particular struggle you have with parenthood?
How to balance friendship and parenthood, respect, but also giving your child space to be open to you, and whatnot. I don’t want my children to fear me—where is the boundary between fear and respect? It’s a delicate balance. I don’t think my children fear me.
What advice would you give yourself about fatherhood?
Be as present as much as possible. The last year has been more of a sabbatical for me, I represent Grade V in school and met three of my children in the corridors as I was coming out. I like taking them to soccer and golf training. I just discovered golf and men; I am crazy about golf now. Contrasted with my busy life before, I can see the difference.
I read somewhere that golf is a game full of mistakes, especially for beginners…
Yes, there is something called Piga Mingi. The fewer the strokes, the better you are, but manzee, you can shank a ball in a different direction. It is so frustrating. I have seen people break golf clubs, but you just keep coming back. I have played for eight months now, and I just got my hole-in-one, something that happens in like one in a thousand times. In fact, after this, I shall go to the Railways Golf Club…[chuckles].
What drew you to golf?
I needed an outdoor kind of support to keep me fit and network while at it and still enjoy. I postponed golf for over 10 years, and one day I just decided, why not? I got a coach. Now I am asking myself, why didn’t I start this earlier?
When people talk about golf, they tell you so many things. What do they leave unsaid?
Haha! The frustrating moments that will make you want to break clubs. They don’t tell you how fun the 19th hole is, which is the clubhouse where you analyse your games and banter. No day is the same at the course.
You’ve been a CEO, father, husband…which of these roles required you to squeeze the most out of yourself?
Fatherhood is the most important role. The most taxing was the CEO role. It is demanding because, besides the tasks of answering to the shareholders and board, there are the people you lead every day who look up to you.
Are you a head or a heart person?
Totally a heart person. I try to balance the two. I lead with my heart, but I know when to balance with my head so the heart is not taken advantage of.
Recently, I read somewhere: The mediator between the head and the hands is the heart.
I love that!
What part of yourself did you lose when you became a CEO?
I always say that I show up as myself, Joseph Choge. I am an easy guy, maybe I was too busy to spend time with my parents. My dad is 83, my mom is 74. As they age, you want to spend more time with them. I lost that part because of being busy.
What’s the funniest advice they gave you?
I wanted to be a soldier like my dad, but he decided I should go to college first. I loved the army cause of the uniform. Then I am a dog lover.
How would you live differently?
I have enjoyed the life I have had, and I have only learned from my successes and failures. It’s been a great story. I would probably just see my parents more, and start golfing early [chuckles].
What has inspired the sudden feeling to spend more time with your parents?
My dad came to stay with us the other day, and we were shooting pool. I looked at him and realised this man is ageing. It was a bit scary. We are all on the clock, and I just need to soak in as much as possible my time with him… seeing him interact with his grandchildren is so fulfilling, the pieces coming together.
Has it made you confront your own mortality?
When I used to talk about 40-year-olds, I was like; how old are these guys haha! Now I am there, and I am like, time is flying. Have you done what you need to have done? Are you happy with where you are? There are things you wanted by this time, and life is still going on, your daughter will soon be out of the nest…it’s a wake-up call.
This is a gotcha question…is your dad a better father or a better grandfather?
Haha! By the way we turned out, he was a good father, but I think he is a better grandfather. He used to spank us, but the way he treats these children! The version I tell my wife of him—the military father—versus what she sees, she says we are slandering him. I can’t reconcile who he is now versus what he was then haha!
Without mentioning ambition or discipline, how are you like him?
Hm. That’s a good question. We are those people who read the room first. The emotional aspect I picked from him is more of the heart than the mind for him.
What don’t people get to see about you?
The man who is too in touch with his feelings. When things affect me, I pray about it, sometimes cry on my own, and then you come back with a macho look, and people think you are the strongest guy around, but you have your moments. When I was leading Peptang, I lost my head of sales, and I couldn’t hold it together. They died in a road accident while at work. I couldn’t hold it in.
When people talk about your legacy, what part of it do you hope they will remember?
I hope they will look back and say that to the best of my ability, I uplifted them. I do it mostly through education because it is an equaliser.
Because of my education, I can have a conversation with the president and board members and meet and travel. I hope somebody will say they are where they are because I uplifted them.
What do you fear they will remember instead?
The guy who played too much golf [chuckles].
When you think of the weekend, what comes to mind?
Golf haha! Okay, family time—to bond with the children, take them out, church... Two, EPL. I support the disaster class, Manchester United, but one day we will rise from the ashes. And of course, golf and a few travels here and there.
Is there a hobby, except golf, you wanted to pursue but never got the time?
I’d have wished to play an instrument, say a piano or a guitar, or something, which I can use to serenade my girlfriend.
People ask about the secret of marriage, do you think you have got more out of your marriage by doing less?
That is very interesting. [long pause]. Wow. I have not done enough dates as I should, but with the little I have done, I am still enjoying those bonga points.
Joseph Choge, Board Chairman of the Institute of Customer Experience (ICX) and Canopy Life International.
Photo credit: Pool
The children come, and you forget the most important friend you have, that these children are just passing, and the person who will remain is your spouse.
What matters less than you thought it would?
Titles. Being busy. What matters is having time to do the most important things in life: the time with children, it is in the simplicity of life. All this busyness is nonessential—it’s the connections and banter that actually matter. Life should be easy.
When is it enough?
When you decide it is enough. The finer things in life make life easier, enjoy them, but you can’t drive two cars at the same time. That’s not to say you should not live your ambition.
How has your definition of money changed over the years
Money is about what advantages or privileges it can give you. How can it build a legacy where children get a head-start in life, so you can create a wealthy generation and uplift a whole community? Even the Bible says you should leave wealth to the fourth generation. Money should be able to give you that advantage.
What’s an absurd thing you’ve bought?
My wife woke up and found me with a 1,000cc BMW motorbike. I rode it for a while, and then realised I was a father of four children [chuckles]. I sold it and went and bought a 400cc motorbike haha! But it’s an easy weekend motorbike, it took so long to get to 1,000 kilometres.
Why a bike?
There is a sense of freedom when the wind is blowing in your face, and you are just riding. There is adrenaline as well—I love fast-paced things.
What’s something difficult you go through that not many people get to see?
To be a better husband. I have a lot of room to improve on. They say it is very hard to please women. Or is it easy? Haha! I think I can be a better husband. Like I said, when the children are gone, this friend remains—so you have to invest as much as possible in it.
What’s your definition of a better husband?
More dates with your girl, and presence, and ensuring the woman of your dreams feels supported in all aspects, from running her business to even joining golf [chuckles].
What’s your favourite memory of you and your wife?
When I was courting her. We met on campus. She was a student leader and was introducing salsa classes. She stood up to speak, and I said to my roommate, “Huyo ni bibi yangu.” That is my wife. I joined the salsa class because of her. I can’t even dance haha!
What is a question people never ask you, but you wish they would?
How important is God in my life? He is everything to me.
Who do you know that I should know?
My wife. Brendah-with-a-h. If you don’t put that “h” is grounds for conflict in the world it can spark wars haha!
What’s it about Brendah-with-a-h?
I have been an employee most of my life. Brendah is this go-getter lady who has always been ambitious, and would tell me I can be anything I want to be, that I should not settle for less.
After a year of employment, she went into business and today employs over 50 people. I am in awe of her. She was the SONU treasurer on campus—who does that? I admire her.
